Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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