gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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