he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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