Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
