It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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