I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
