Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
