He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
