sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
