im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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