I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
