I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
