Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
