My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize