My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
