Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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