I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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