There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize