so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
