i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
