Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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