There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize