handjob tips. give me some.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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