Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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