I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
