He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
