So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
