just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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