she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
