the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
True strength comes from lack of pants
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
