You can't motorboat a personality
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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