He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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