in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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