Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
