After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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