I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
