Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize