I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
