Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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