me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
