She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
