Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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