I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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