thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
