So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
