Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize