Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize