I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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