My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
