I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
