when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I still have a little drunk in my system
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize