I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
