Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
