Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
