I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
