Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
