the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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