Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
