I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize