Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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