I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she peed on how many people?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
