so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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