I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
