Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
