How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm always down for nudity.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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