she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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