i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
