I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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