I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
