Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
